what is love?
going off the radar. its been a week. two weeks in, I already failed. but why write if there is no inspiration? yes I could write another rant about how idiotic and stupendous the prompts are. but I am going to get a bit personal here.
Love. it is universal and it is strange. it affects your brain, causes you to feel things. And to do crazy things. maybe even become someone your not.
but Love is this beautiful thing where you close your eyes and feel. you obey, you compromise, you try new things. you sacrifice.
people often confuse sex with love. and Ive been done that road. I was raped twice and it cause my body to go numb everytime I had sex. I couldnt feel my own orgasm. That was okay. because love is the long walks in the park. the random trips to museums, to art galleries. love is tacos at 1:30 am on a saturday night.
love is also patient. in that maybe one day I will feel again. but its about language. my strength id movement. in dance and words. if I cant find the words, I find the motion in dance, even if its in the middle of the grocery store.
I say this because all my life I thought I was straight. Now, I do not know what I am. I fell in love with a woman, a trans woman. the first woman I would ever love. the woman I could tell everything too. the human that I could smile at. The human that I could wrap my arms around, that I could call and talk to for hours. the same person I could say hey, be ready in 15 we are going on a raod trip.
I had no desire to know them physically. but to know what makes them laugh. what makes them feel good inside. what makes their heart flutter. what movies do they watch when their depressed.
I wanted to know how their brain worked. and over time, I had to learn the word friend. because that is all I could ever be to this person. friend is what they needed from me.
love can tell you to back off and let go without hurting anyone.
sex was never love. love was never sex. love was making sure that person felt worthy to be alive each and everyday. Love was making sure they ate when in the dumps. love meant making sure they were appreciated. love meant crawling into the dark, not to shine your light, but to let their flickering light shine for all the world to see a little light is enough light in times of darkness.
love is strange, but in the end, its like the wind. you may never actually see it, but you can always see the effects.